Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Fuck your 47 MPGs

Well, here goes my first blog entry. I started this blog to attempt to let out some steam and share some slightly humorous stories in the process. Let's start this historic first post about my neighbor. I'll call him Larry. Larry has always been the cocky neighbor of the block, which is weird, considering he is a nerdy looking, mid-40s man. He lives right across from me and has always been nosy and annoying since he moved in. Back when I was around 10-12, and would roam the neighborhood with my group of friends, he would always attempt to tattle on me for little stupid things. If I was walking around too late, my dad would always tell me that Larry had complained to him about me and my friends supposedly causing mischief since we were our til around 9:30. When I started to get older, 13-14, it started getting worse. If anything happened to his house (eggs thrown, corned, etc.) I would be the first to be blamed.
     This pretty much came to an end when I was just hitting 15, and finally told him if he wants to blame me for something to come to me instead of my parents. One night, after his house was brutally annihilated with eggs, he stopped me and my dad in the middle of the street and began to yell about how me and my friends were the ones who had egged his house in the middle of the night. In the middle of his rambling about how bad of a kid I was, I cut him off and said "Listen, I was at a friends house the other night so you can go ahead and stop right now. I have never messed with your house, but after having you continuously accuse me I just might start. And you'll probably have a little more to worry about then cleaning eggs off of your windows." My dad knew I was bluffing, because I was an overall good kid, but Larry seemed a little nervous. He apologized to me and I was hoping that I would never have to put up with his annoying shit ever again.
     Of course, that was too much to wish for. His attitude began to change over the years and he became this awkward neighbor who tried way too hard to be friendly towards everyone on the block. He would always wave and try to start small conversations, which wasn't too bad in the beginning, but progressively got worse. Once I started driving, he would write notes and put them on my windshield if I parked in front of his house or too close to his driveway that said shit like "I'd really appreciate it if you could not park so close to my house. Sometimes I have people over and they don't have places to park when you're right in front of the house. Thanks, Larry". Well, Larry, considering I've only seen one car that wasn't yours parked there all the years you've lived there, I'd say you don't have anything to worry about. But, instead of getting pissed off, I just learned to park closer to my house and let it be.
      At the beginning of this year, my senior year, I got a new car and I was absolutely thrilled. It's a little 07' compact car and I love it. One day while I was getting in, Larry pulls up beside me in his shit green Prius and says, "Hey there, I like the new car!" I tell him thanks, and that I like it a lot. Larry then asks, "Sooo, how many MPGs does it get?" I replied excitedly, "Oh, it gets quite a few! Around 32!". He then smugly replies "Ah, Well mine only gets about 48 to 50" then smiles and pulls away.

Fuck you, Larry.

49 comments:

  1. Lol blogs are great for letting off steam

    love the humor, love the blog! keep in contact!

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  2. Thanks for the feedback. Appreciate it!

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  3. Blogs are awesome like that, but good read keep it up!

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  4. oh man i hate those mpgs. so hilarious man love it!

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  5. Keeping up with the Joneses ;p

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  6. too much fun was had by whoever was egging his house.

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  7. did he say that with his eyes shut like he was smug about it? i had a neighbor like that too that took pictures of my van and reported it as an abandoned car to the people you report that shit to. what a piece of shit he was

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  8. lol, at least nothing like this happens in my neighbourhood

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  9. looks like copypasta
    I can tell because I have been around quite a few internets
    still amusing tho

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  10. Not copied. Written last night around 2-3 lol. Neighbors real name wasn't used just in case!

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  11. Good blog! Keep up the good work!

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  12. That was quite...interesting. At any rate, keep up the good work, and I will be looking forward to reading your posts!

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  13. That last part sounds silly to get mad about, but amusing none the less.

    Though how he treated and accused you before was definitely uncalled for. I've never lived anywhere more than three years so I wouldn't know about neighbor troubles.

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  14. Lol not really mad, just annoyed at this guy always bragging about his stuff.

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  15. Reminds me of the South Park Smug episode

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  16. man, i was hoping for a new post!

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  17. Ha, funny but yeah stale. Following for more.

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  18. Awesome post man! great blog!

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  19. Larry... Just... Fuck you ok! hahahahah

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  20. lol, All Prius drivers are either pompous, or douchebags! Jk of course, but its pretty accurate stereotype..

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  21. lol funny neighbor stories! thanks for sharing

    I have followed your blog, could you follow my blog too and +1 my blog? Thanks!

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  22. Hahaha. Very detailed post. Looking forward to more stories.

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  23. good story bro, it made me lol. I think we all know or have known a larry at sometime in our lives.

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  24. larry sounds like a fun guy xD

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  25. I think there is a "larry" in every neighborhood

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